4 Weeks & A Day

Yesterday marked 4 weeks in Perth. Ton will be picked up on the 2nd June in preparation for his 3rd June morning flight. Called back home & chatted with my parents. I missed them. How I wish I can whisk them here for a visit. But I know that's out of the question for now.

I've been called up for an interview next Thursday at LEI. It's my 1st interview since coming to Perth. At least it's not an outright rejection. Even though I've got my sights set on the hospital 30 mins away, I'm still gonna pray for wisdom & attempt to knock their socks off. Lol. This job's part time & is about an hour away. But it's the exact same thing I've been doing in SG. So despite the lack of local experience, I'm hoping this will give me an edge over the rest of the applicants.

I wonder what's with 5th June. My temporary Medicard slip expires on this date, my interview's on this date, we're collecting our fridge on this date, my TFN application expires on this date. Too many to be mere coincidences right?

Winter Fast Approaching

3 days more to June. Winter is almost upon us. Temperatures dropping steadily, a mere 10 degrees at the moment. My resistance to cold is working to my advantage. I sleep in camisole & shorts but still manage to sweat at night (my room has no heating by the way). A short sleeve t-shirt alone works well enough for me in the day while hubs wraps himself in his jacket & still feels cold. The only thing I can't tolerate is cold shower. Even when the day is hot in SG, I would shower with "warm" water which to hubs was unbearably hot. Perhaps my body is wired in a weird way.

It's significant to me that we're now in winter. A famous quote from the Gosho states, "Winter always turn to spring." 1 will never encounter winter turning back to autumn. The harsh cold of winter, nothing grows in winter; this is the reality of winter. But when winter passes, spring will inevitably follow. All of a sudden, flowers start to bloom, trees regain their leaves & the temperature becomes more comfortable. This quote from Gosho seeks to remind us never to give up. In the "winter" of our life, we may feel dejected, depressed, hopeless. But as long as we persevere, we can overcome whatever difficulties that troubles us. Once we do, "spring" will arrive.

In a way, we're in "winter". No jobs, funds constantly going out but never coming in, car got rear ended, most likely to be written off. I lost myself for a while. I think we both did. If not for Ninja nurse & hubby's reminder & encouragement, we probably will still be in that life state. If we want to understand the past, look at the present. To see what the future will bring, look at the present. So instead of wallowing in depression, I seek to challenge my destiny.

Belly Full Of Meat

Landlord invited us to her new place for BBQ lunch. On the way there, D & J bought  apple strudel from this famous brand, D & S. I told hubs that since they bought something sweet, we'll buy something savoury. So we bought mini pies to bring to the party.

Hubs helped to barbecue the food while I fed him on & off. Lol. The strudel was great & I said when I'm able to, I'll definitely try to make it from scratch. The custard won't be difficult. But to make really good pastry, that would be difficult. To think that having a BBQ is our favourite event back in SG.

I got to know L at the party who lives very near me. She has a 5 year old maltese & she asked me to bring Ton over when he arrives so that they can play together. Haha. Looks like Ton will be having a new friend soon. Of the 3, he's the most sociable 1. Puggy will always piss off other dogs somehow while Wang will always be very territorial.

Whenever people (especially females) hear that I'm an operating theatre nurse, they get freaked & grossed out. The usual questions would be, "Doesn't all that blood scare you?" or "Doesn't seeing the internal organs scare you?" Erm... not really. Rather than the sights, the only thing I had to get used to is the smell. Especially the smell of burnt tissue from diathermy usage & if I'm assisting in colon surgeries, the smell of watery diarrhea like stools.

The reason I left was becoz of the nasty seniors & surgeons. The seniors had their own cliques & you can never "infiltrate" them. I would read novels during break times but it didn't really bothered me. I was happy to be left alone. I did clinic & home nursing for a while but eventually went back to theatre. That was how I ended up doing eye. Having gone around, I know for certain that theatre is where I belong. I was in eye for almost 6 years & I know my work pretty well. But it is my wish to go back to general surgery to master the skills. I gave up too easily back then but I'm older now & am more tenacious. Therefore, my prayers are very resolute. I want to be accepted into the program at the hospital 30 mins away. When one has done all one can, the only thing left to do is pray with a strong ichinen. Towards victory!

Brewing A Cup Of Storm

There's been intermittent heavy downpour accompanied by howling winds for the past few days. The cold made me wonder if I need to buy "winter coat" for Ton. He'll be fine at night when he sleeps with us in bed. It's the daytime that I'm worried about. He's lazy by nature & he'll be cold if he's just lying around. Not a problem if he's out walking coz that generates body heat. I shall do a search once my internet is up.

We finally bought the 5w LED spotlights from Bunnings in Midland. Hubs switched out the 6 pieces of 35w halogen spotlights in the dinning & kitchen area for the LED ones. We've been cooking & eating in the dark, relying on the living area light for fear of incurring expensive eletrical bills. It's amazing. The 5w LED bulbs are even brighter than the 35w halogen ones. D said that when he 1st moved into his rental place, his 1st eletrical bill was $600+. It was then he realised that the house was fitted with high wattage halogen bulbs. Once he made the switch to LED ones, his subsequent bills went down to $300+.

After Bunnings, we made our way to kaikan for the MD friendship meeting. Everytime I attended activities, I bring away with me a deeper sense of appreciation & new knowledge. It may seem weird, but 1 time while I was doing daimoku, I had this image in my mind. Shakyamumi was preaching under a tree & I was an ant that happened to pass by on the ground in front of him. I wonder if that was the case.

3 Weeks Mark & 1st Accident in Perth

Today marks the 3rd week since we arrived in Perth. I can still remember us clearing the customs, airport trolley fully loaded with our luggage, waiting at arrivals for D & J to pick us up. So much has happened in such a short period of time. So many ups & downs.

It was our agenda to head to Bunnings to buy LED bulbs in a pack of 8s for $65 as advertised on their catalogue as there're 7 halogen spotlights in the house at 35w each. Switching to LED will reduce our eletrical bills. We spent a lot of time there as we couldn't locate it & a staff finally found out that not all outlets carry this promotional item. She suggested that we head to Malaga or Midland. As we didn't have the GPS with us, we decided to head home for it.

I was the 1st car on the slip road, waiting for the main road's traffic to clear to turn left when we were hit from behind. The damage was pretty extensive. Our bumper & boot caved in from the impact. The bumper was spilt open in the middle & pierced through the chassis on the right side. There was no option of opening the boot. I don't think it'll open & even if it will, it certainly won't allow me to shut it.

After taking down the lady's particulars, we drove home & called D. He & J came over shortly to survey the damage. He said we may have to scrap the car. We went to his friend who is in the repair business for opinion. He seconded what D had told us, saying that the insurance company will most likely take this course of action. Reason being, our car cost us 2.5k & it'll cost more than that for repairs. The insurance company may pay us more or less than the 2.5k we paid for the car depending on the market value of a 2001 Lancer.

Who's to say a certain event is good or bad? Perhaps we were meant to suatain serious injuries or perish in an accident today. But becoz of the protection (shoten zenjin), we escaped unharmed save for the car. 大难不死必有后福。Perhaps a breakthrough in our impasse is coming our way.

Good Luck To Myself

Received an email from LEI's HR manager. Back in February, prior to coming over, I emailed them with regards to employment. A surgeon I was assisting informed me of the existence of this eye institute & encouraged me to give it a try. They had no vacancies at that time & upon knowing that I was still in SG, I received no further reply. I sent an email upon sometime last week, informing the manager that I am now in Perth. Today, I received an email from her, informing me that the position for a part time peri-operative registered nurse has come up & the ad is now on Seek.

Upon reading, I felt for the 1st time a glimmer of hope & confidence that I'm what they're looking for. Other than the usual APHRA registration, communication & written skills etc, they require an experienced scrub/scout/recovery registered nurse, preferably with ophthalmic or post basic cert (aka our equivalent of advance diploma in peri-operative nursing which I don't have). The only thing I'm losing out on is the local experience but I'm hoping they'll value my absolutely relevant experience more.

Becoz we often work well beyond our working hours back in SG, I had to recover my own patients & handle the control drugs  as the recovery staff would have gone home by then. So my recovery experience isn't outdated at all. I even have to wash my own instruments so that would account as TSSU experience, though not very extensive.

I've sent in my application & I don't suppose I'll hear from them until after 5th June as that's the closing date. Only successful applications will be contacted for interview. I've been told several times by different groups of friends that it'll take a while to be called up for interviews & even longer to be offered jobs. But when 1 does get offered a job, they usually come in a few. I certainly hope so & will continue praying for it.

A Somewhat Funny Post

I was becoming aware of this pain on my inner thigh yesterday evening. The pain is similar to chaffing abrasion on fat thighs. Upon exmination, I realised that it was an abscess instead & it is now the size of a grown man's nipple with surrounding areola.  I kid you not. It hurts like crazy & I can't find a weak spot to pierce through. I tried pinching off the top layer of skin with my nails but no matter how much & how hard I squeezed, only blood & serous fluid came out. I'm hoping to "ripen" it by applying a plaster over it.

J invited us over again, under the guise of requiring hubs to help her fix up a planter box. But I know she's just trying to get us out of the house & having something to do & someone to talk to. We spent the entire day with her. She drove us to the shops she usually goes to for groceries & all of us  fetched P from the train station after work. They insisted we stay over for dinner despite our protests. I realised we had something in common; a passion for reading. P was showing me his Kindle, an e-reader & I told myself that this will be my gift to myself the moment I land a job. I so desire to repay them for their kindness.

I nearly had a heart attack back home. I was already done with my evening gongyo & was doing daimoku when I heard what sounded like someone trying to open the sliding door in the laundry area. I was sure hubs was in the room as I didn't see him walk past. I called out to him & he went to check it out. Turned out it was just the neighbour's cat scratching at the door to be allowed in. On hindsight, a burglar wouldn't be so dumb as to break into a house with its occupants in it right? I was chanting & the houses here have paper thin walls. I wonder if my chanting attracted the cat coz it does that to Ton. He'll come up & prostrate himself in front of the butsudan when I'm chanting.

I'm a survivor. I know I'll get through this. Having my Buddhist faith & reading my books on Buddhist studies really helped me a lot. But hubs rather sit around & stare into the distance regardless of what I say. The saying is so true. You can pull a horse to the water but you can't force him to drink. Well, at least being at P & J's today helped him heaps. We learnt today that Wed is petrol day where the pump prices are lower. So I'll make use of the chance to get him out of the house & to do some exploring - since he doesn't trust my driving & I'm the only 1 who knows how to work the petrol pump (I taught him but he just can't seem to get it.)

Is It Depression?

It seems as though he's always angry. Over small things. This morning, I saw him sitting in the living room staring into space & I asked, "Why are you staring into space?" He flew into a rage, saying, "Then what do you want me to do?" He then stormed out of the house, banging the door on his way out. He sat in the patio & resumed staring into space. Since then, he refused to be in the same room as I am. If he's in the bedroom & I came in, he'll go to the living room & vice versa.

I feel so scared & alone. I have no one to talk to. I'm really hurt by his attitude. Perhaps he's angry that I got him into such a situation? But we're in this together. Why we can't support each other in this difficult time? I have no intention of disturbing others over such a thing & I don't think he'll appreciate me sharing with people we hardly know anyway. I can only cry in silence. What should I do? Or perhaps a better question will be, what can I do?

Day 15

Ninja nurse & family came over today for dialogue & chanting. I felt really emotional when she shared the process of job hunting & how she felt when she got her job. Really thankful to them for coming all the way up north to lend us support & encouragement. W (ninja nurse's husband) shared with hubs about Nichiren Buddhism & the benefits he received from his practice. Hubs actually sat down & chanted with us.

I've always entertained the idea of going back into MOT. When I was still a student, my favourite was operating theatre & O&G. When I successfully applied to be transferred from the ward to OT, I was hoping that I'll get into O&G, combining my 2 passions together. I went into GS instead but I got to assist in emergency O&G surgeries (mostly emergency cesarean) when I was on call.

Doing eye was alright. I still get to be a scrub nurse. But being so specialised now is detrimental to my job hunting. The hospitals only do cataract surgeries & they have no need for my skills. The only eye institute here is not hiring so it doesn't matter how good or vast my skills in eye surgeries are.

I know in my heart I want to be accepted into the Clinical Enhancement Program by the hospital 30 mins away. I'll still continue to send out applications in the meantime. I've always wanted to give MOT another try. I've set my prayers for me to have the good fortune to be 1 of the 2 to be accepted into the program, not only turning the impossible to possible, but to show actual proof.

2 Weeks Mark

On Nix's introduction, we got to know P & J. They invited us over for a chat today. They very kindly served us lunch & gave us some household items. I'm indebted to so many people now I pray that 1 day I'll have the means to repay them.

We headed to the Convention Centre after leaving P & J's as D told us there's a work fair on till Sunday. When we got there, we found out that it was more for the students out of secondary school. The booths are mainly put up by Universities advocating their numerous courses & not so much for adults looking for jobs. Driving there, hubs got frustrated with the GPD & kept cursing & swearing so I offered to drive back.

Driving back home, I was trying to make a right turn but took up too much space that the cars opposite couldn't turn. By then it was impossible to make the turn due to on coming traffic & I couldn't reverse becoz there were cars behind me. When I finally made the turn, I gestured an apology to the driver opposite. He rolled down his window & yelled "You fucking idiot!" I felt really crappy. This will serve as a reminder to try to be nice to others becoz i won't know what they're going through. If their life's in a mess, being nasty to them will only make them feel worse.

Everybody I've met told me it's only been 2 weeks since I've been here so there's no need to be too stressed about being unable to find a job. I just have this fear that nobody will want to hire me. My only true  option is operating theatre but I only have eye experience & Lions Eye Institute isn't hiring. Major hospitals feel that I don't have General Surgery skills & therefore are choosing others over me. (I have GS experience but that's 10 years ago.) I haven't done ward nursing for more than a decade so that's worse. I'm willing to learn but 1st someone must be willing to give me that opportunity.

Gratitude For The Realisations

Empty house, no form of entertainment,  just the 2 of us. Took a short leisurely stroll around the mini park outside our place in pyjamas & froze my toes off from wearing slippers. Then, we stood outside the house, stared at the cloudy night sky & talked.

Coming here, experiencing mostly downs, awakened us to how much we've taken things for granted in SG. Hubs actually said he missed having my parents around. I could hardly believe my ears. The house is too quiet without them & he told me he has no objections if I want to bring them over 1 day.

We talked about our 'old' life in SG. It was back home after work, watched movies or Naruto together, played with the dogs and repeat the next day. It's not so much about the activities but rather having the entire family together. It made me miss home so much that having to return to SG doesn't seem such a terrible prospect afterall. But of course, if I have a choice (& a job), I rather stay here & bring my parents & dogs over.

Becoz we have so much time to spare, hubs actually listened to me talk about the origins & basics of Nichiren Buddhism. Even he himself laughed, saying that he was never interested until now. In the absence of tv, internet & other distractions, I actually got a chance to share with him what & why I practise. It's as though I managed to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture here. For that I am very grateful. Leaving the worries for tomorrow.

Not Looking So Good

Everyday when we wake up, we ask ourselves the same question. What do we do now? Hubs & I were chatting last night. He said he's fearful of sitting on the sofa coz he'll start to worry about our lack of income. We're feeling down. No doubt about it. I didn't expect it to be so hard to find a job.

I wonder at what point do we say, "Our money's all gone. Let's go back to SG." Hubs says he believes I can find a job, that it's only a matter of time. But I can't lift my spirits enough to feel the same way. I'm constantly living in a state of fear & uncertainty. There's nothing to distract me coz there's nothing to do. I just keep praying that I'll land a job real soon.

Feeling Down

好久没吃到饱了。Yup, you read it right. To ensure I stretch my money as far as it will go, I've been eating 2 slices of bread as brunch & sharing a packet of instant noodles with hubs for dinner. I want to remember this. If 1 day I make it, it'll serve as a reminder of my humble beginnings. If I don't, I have to return to SG & stick to this regime until I find a job there. The thing is, I don't want to go back.

I have no clues how to "make it" here. Am I being too impatient? I didn't get any replies from all the jobs I've applied. Not even the nursing agencies. Except for KFC which sent us an email telling us that we've not been shortlisted. I suspected as much when Hungry Jacks told us they only hire those under 18.

We try not to switch on the lights until we absolutely have to so we don't incur high electricity bills. & when we do, we stay in the same room so we only have to switch on 1 light. I'm not sure how much this will help though.

With nothing to do, except to 你看我, 我看你, we walked to the town centre about a km away. Took us about 20 mins. It's a revelation how I've taken things for granted back in SG. The smell of food on empty stomach is both pleasant & unpleasant at the same time. I looked at the groceries I yearn to buy but instead grab the $1.09 home brand instant noodles.

I'm terrified that I've made a mistake bringing Ton Ton to Australia. I should have waited till I have a stable income. What if I can't find a job before my money runs out & have to return? Will I be able to send Ton back to SG with me? I can go hungry but I can't let him go hungry with me. The only thing left to do is pray hard that I get hired soon.

1st URTI In Perth

Friday it rained & I saw for the 1st time rainbow in Perth. The sight was amazing. A super big arch across the sky. On Saturday, it rained again & a rainbow appeared again. That night, we moved into our current rental place. While seeing D & J out, hubs & I saw a shooting star. I love how the stars are so prominent here.

We've been assembling our furniture together, tossing out the cardboard boxes, doing laundry, washing the 80 pieces kitchen starter set we got. Yep, it has knives, pots, utensils etc all for $49 from Target. At least we can cook instant noodles now. No fridge still. Our washing machine on loan from D & J. Hub's at a loss of what to do coz we don't have a TV nor internet. For me, I can read my books or knit. That's the importance of having hobbies.

& I got my 1st URTI in Perth. Sore throat, cough, runny nose, brewed over a couple of days. What hubs had was a cold which came on suddenly. Very similar to his usual allergic rhinitis, except in a cold, his nose doesn't itch. He's all but recovered. I need to too. Alright, better get an early night...

1 Week Mark

No job, no income, stress level going up. I know it takes time but it's really hard to  take it easy when your money's going out but never coming in. This is made worse by the fact that the government has ordered a halt on advertising & recruitment for all public hospitals. The private hospital 30 mins away from where we're staying has only 2 places for the clinical enhancement program which will start in July. Whether I can get in or not is still a mystery. If I'm not chosen, I won't get the job. So I'm not holding out much hope.

The fast food restaurants won't take us becoz they only hire those below 18 which I heard is due to different pay rates. I was asked if I have police clearance & when I searched online, realised it cost $60+. Thankfully we still can drive with our SG license & have to worry about the conversion in another 2+ month's time. Some money you just have to spend. But where we can save, we do. So we ended up not getting a fridge (guess we'll have to survive on bread or fruits) or washing machine since we can still hand wash our clothes. I don't dare to explore so we can save on petrol.

It's like being trapped in a dark tunnel. I don't know when I'll see light at the end of it. I just hope the money will last till either of us get a job which I hope will be soon. Gotta hang in there.

5 Days In Perth

Upon possession of the car, I realised that the odometer reads 197 thousand km. Oops. I think the 181 thousand km car is the 1 where the owner was asking for $3850. I guess that's why the timing belt becomes an issue & a leverage for bargaining. Hubs will be learning how to change the engine oil from D over the weekend. It's way overdue for changing & it's black like hell. There's a squeaking sound when we're braking hence the brake pads require changing as well. ATF requires changing as well coz it's already orange in colour. It needs a thorough cleaning coz it's super filty inside. Lots of stuff to get done.

Let's see what we've accomplished so far. We've gotten our own rental place for $430 per week & will be moving in on Sat. I've dropped off my resume at 2 nearby medical centres. Will be calling the hospital again since I've not been able to get the person in charge. But better still if I get employed by eother of the medical centre since it's within walking distance. I've applied for gas supply, but have to call the electricity company tomorrow as they can't detect the address. I've also applied for broadband & home line under iinet.

We went down to Medicare centre in Midland only to be rejected as we went through the customs electronically & our passports were not stamped. The counter staff requested for our boarding passes as proof of entry which I left at home. So we got to make another trip tomorrow. We didn't bother going to Centrelink since I suspect we'll encounter the same problem. The driving licensing centre was just next to Medicare but they require an ATM card & Medicare card on top of our passport to proceed with the license conversion (kinda like the 100 points check). But we did get our transfer of car ownership form submitted & parted with 8% of the selling price. :(

I love the cooling weather (I try not to think of summer). I love how far I can see without tall buildings blocking my view. I love how you will not be judged based on what you wear or what car you're driving. I love searching for 2nd handed goods on gumtree though I have a big headache wondering how to transport the big items if I do buy. I believe things will fall into place once I get a job & we can truly enjoy life here in Perth.

1st Purchases

We spent yesterday looking at cars in the car yard before moving on to private sellers. D told us that it was necessary so that we could have a rough gauge of what the market is like. In the end, hubs decided on a Lancer which narrowed down our search. Looked at another 2 cars today & we'll be parting 2.5k tomorrow for a 2001 Lancer with 180+ km mileage. Seller was asking for $2850 & we offered him 2.4k (knowing that he'll surely haggle with us), citing the need for water gauge, timing belt & rear view mirror replacement. D certainly knew what he was doing. Engine & exterior condition was the best among so many cars that we've viewed. I've learnt some on life in Perth from D & J though this is just the beginning. We feel so paiseh having to rely on them so much, to drive us around, to pay for meals (they refused to let us pay) & to give us a room to stay. 

It's stressful having to part with money when we've got no income coming in. But necessities are unavoidable. I'm hoping that I'll get a favourable respond from a hospital 30 mins away. They've been frequently posting on Seek even till  now so I take that as they were unable to hire anyone since the phone interview they gave me in February. From the interview, I suspect that their staff from different disciplines are not on good terms. Hubs told me to quit that if they hire me & I hated it. I understand where he's coming from becoz I was really very unhappy in my previous workplace & he didn't want me to go through it again. I told him that if they do hire me, I'll stay on for at least 2 years for the working experience regardless of how bad the situation is. If I could put up with my previous workplace for almost 6 years, 2 years should be nothing to me. We definitely need the money so this is no time to be taking emotional well being into consideration. I've already prepared myself to slog it out when we made the decision to come here. 

The temperature is usually in the teens but I find that I can go without a jacket most of the time & that's wearing shorts & short sleeve t-shirt. I'm such a freak. J told us that we'll put on weight in this cold weather as we tend to feel hungry easily. But I find that on the opposite, I'm hardly hungry & even when I do, I get filled really fast. Hmm... if this carries on, maybe I'll really be able to ditch the extra 20 kg. I shall dream about it. LOL.

Taking Flight

Wrote this on the flight to Perth, 2nd May.

I cried for a while as the plane took off to the sky. The sunset was so beautiful, the sky so clear I could see all the way down to the ocean despite being at an altitude of 41 thousand feet. But all I could feel was the sorrow of having left home. Hubs felt the same way as I did. He told me to look forward to our life in Perth, to our 1st employment, 1st pay check, 1st home. I do. All the uncertainties could not overshadow how much I miss home. Even though I've only just left.

All I could think about was how to arrange for my parents to visit us in Perth. In the end, they still matter a lot to me. So I asked hubs if he will mind if my parents come over for a holiday. He said how can he say no knowing that I'm so affected by the move? With his acceptance, I feel so much better, knowing that some day soon I can have my parents visit us.

20 Minutes To Boarding

My parents asked us to have lunch together at the kopithiam downstairs. I saw my dad dabbing away tears. It wasn't so hard to leave the house. But a part of me was left behind. I'm sad but I don't want to cry in front of them. I just kept telling myself that I'll be back for a visit before I know it. I admire people who've left, for their strength. It really isn't easy leaving people behind. I wonder how long I will continue to cry until I start getting used to being homesick.

Received many texts biding me farewell & good luck. The closer I get to boarding time the more emo I feel. This will be my last entry till I can gain access to internet again. So this is how it feels to leave home.

12 More Hours

12 more hours till we leave for the airport. I spent my day having lunch with 3 of my friends & dinner at my MIL's. Then we did some final tidying & packing till 12+ mn. Hubs surprised me by asking me to go for a walk around the neighbourhood. We didn't walk much, just to the 7-11 for drinks. Beer for him & the new honey lemon drink from Pokka for me. We sat at the bench beside the playground downstairs, reminiscing.

We sat there for the 1st time 4.5 years ago on the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. Tonight, it was hub's turn to be emo. He felt very sad as we tidied our room. I repeated to him the words of comfort he told me last night. That to have such feelings is normal. That no matter what we will always have each other.

I've declined requests from friends to send me off at the airport. I hate goodbyes & I don't want to leave in tears. Emo feelings aside, I'm once again griped by fear of not being able to land a job. Seriously, if no hospitals want to hire me, I don't mind working at the fast food restaurant or supermarket. Give me midnight shifts, make me work all weekends, give me physically taxing jobs. I'm fine with that. But what if nobody wants to hire me at all?
This is my greatest fear. This is my bright idea. I must keep us afloat no matter what. Hubs gave up everything to support my dream of living in Australia. I can't fail him. To banish fear, 1 must have courage. I must keep in mind that NMHRGK is my lion's roar. Absolute victory & absolute happiness is my goal. I must not let fear take over.

心里的话

到最候还是舍不得, 偷偷的在黑暗中掉泪。建立的一切现在都要全部放弃。

舍不得留下来的 Puggy。心里知道没有了我他的健康肯定出现问题。老公说这张床睡多一晚就没的睡了。还记得当初两个人一起去买这张床垫。是我们一生以来买的最贵的床垫。花了两千多块。当时离婚的时候搞到一团糟才保留下来的组屋也得放弃。

即使希望我离开了, 父母就能学会独立, 到最候还是放心不下他们。担心即使我寄钱回来也会让他们败光。我还真是嘴硬心軟。

我是出去创一创, 组织自己的家庭, 找自己的幸福。 但就是舍不得。虽然我还是会回来, 但是就是不一样。心情很沉重。老公看到我哭, 他也跟着哭。结果两个人抱在一起哭。