Struggling With Puggy's Loss

This week had been nothing but an uphill struggle. I received the news on Sunday evening. I hardly slept that night, resulting in my previous post at 4 am in the morning. At 5 am, I texted my colleague who lives halfway between me & our workplace, if it was possible that I carpool with her. It takes me an hour to drive to work & she's 30 mins from me. I thought I could hold it together but when we got to work & the usual "How's your weekend?" greetings came, I simply burst into tears. Between sobs, I recounted the story. Even the surgeon came to give me a hug. It was a long day, with us finishing at 6 pm. I didn't eat. I didn't feel like it at all. My eyes felt like sandpaper from all that crying. I finally got home at 7 pm that day.

I was exhausted, sleepy mostly. But despite being so tired, I found myself unable to sleep again. I repeated this routine, arriving home after 7 pm everyday. Hubs tried. He kept asking me how can he make me happy. He brought me out to dinner. He gave me massages every night coz my body was just aching terribly for no apparent reason. At work, I talked, I chatted, I laughed. I still feel the loss. I just didn't show it. I didn't want my colleagues to feel sorry for me.

It's a curse every pet owner must go through. The pain will dull with the passage of time. In the meantime, I just have to sit it through. Everyday, I pray for his soul. I wrote a eulogy for him 2 days ago when FB shared a picture of Puggy that I posted 6 years ago. I spoke from the depths of my soul & I hope wherever he is, he'll receive my message.

6 years ago today. 6 years later today you're gone. If you had only waited just a bit longer, you would be savouring the life we have in stored for you. You're so similar in character to Basil that I'm sure you guys would be the perfect partners in crime, stealing food you know you shouldn't have. I can just imagine you cuddling up with Basil on the doona on cold winter nights.

You were still young, we thought we had time. But you were so suddenly & so unexpectedly taken from us. I chanted for every dog that I know who passed. Everyone of them came to say goodbye. Even DX who detested me came to say goodbye. But I couldn't see you. I couldn't even feel you. Where have you gone? I don't want to hold you back from your next destination. I'm sure a beautiful life awaits you. I have to learn to let you go. You will always be my naughty 2nd son, the one who ate the dining chair. I love you, my boy. Till we meet again.