1st Day Back At Work

It was hard. Over 2 weeks, I've slept late, woke up late & napped plenty. I didn't sleep well as I felt really hot despite the temperature being in the 20s. I was awakened at 1 am by the hot mattress on my back. I couldn't get comfortable no matter how I flipped. Work wasn't too hard, a nice way to ease back into work. I did some cleaning, traced the lenses for all the way up to Wed & ordered the ones we didn't have. Job done.

There's a 5.15 pm Body Combat that I wanted to get to. I went to take a nap (oops) without setting an alarm, thinking that I would wake up way before 5 pm. Obviously I was wrong & I missed the class. I must say that Body Combat is really powerful. I went for the Tuesday evening class & I ached the worst I've ever been in my life the day. Probably didn't help that I attended Konga on Wed morning either. I literally ached from my shoulders all the way down to my lower back & my arms as well. I had difficulty putting on & taking clothes off. Walking & changing positions hurt. By Thursday it had subsided plenty & there's just a tinge left in between my shoulder blades today. I was looking forward to another session of torture but silly me missed it. Work will be full on next week. I better enjoy the weekend while I can.

Goals To Work Towards In 2017

I dreamt again. Zombie apocalypse. I know, I watched too many such shows on Netflix. Although I was trying to escape in my dream, I was helping others do the same, trying to keep them safe. It is a far cry compared to my dreams from when I was younger. I was always afraid, always running. While there's still the element of fear in my dreams now, I'm either fighting to protect others or trying the best of my ability to help others. I'll like to think that it signifies a shift in my subconsciousness or perhaps a strengthening of my character. The dream ended with me successfully helping the group escape to the aid of an army group deployed to kill the zombies.

Hubs went back to work today. I don't start work till Friday which hardly counts as work. We're just supposed to do some cleaning & for my part, check & order lenses for the cases on Monday. It'll probably take about half a day. Home alone, I attended the 9.15 am session of Body Balance at the gym. We have to sign in & collect a tag for the respective class. This lady was trying to see the class roster underneath the sign in clipboard & she said, "Sorry, dog." I could have taken it as an insult but it would speak more of me if I chose to take offense. We always talk about kosen rufu in our Buddhist studies. Kosen rufu means world peace. For world peace to prevail, it has to start from me. I brushed it off as her strong character which was later very evident in the class. I do the same with my manager as well. Besides, dogs are very endearing. :)

I thought Body Balance would be easy for me since I've been doing yoga for over a year. Granted, we did stop yoga session for over a month now which we will pick up again this weekend. But I didn't expect it to be so hard. I had to stop & rest several times during the class. I kept up better with Konga which was much more fast paced. It did bring up my weak spots, namely, balancing (all the 1 legged poses) & quads strength (all the warriors & holding of lunges). At the end of the class, I verbalised that to the instructor & she told me to keep at it & I'll get better at it. Through conversation with her, I also found out that she teaches Body Combat as well, which is what I'm planning to get to this evening. Sometimes gym work (jogging on the treadmill & weights) can get repetitive. Going to such classes mixes things up & work on different sets of muscles. I truly find them very enjoyable even if I can't keep up.

Rather than resolutions which I consider "must get there no matter what", I'll go with goals to work towards. It's a bit more lenient & allows a bit more leeway should I fall short.

Physical Health/Fitness

1. I shall aim not to give up going to the gym that easily. It's ok not to see results. Just focus on how good I feel after each session. 
2. I will like to master at least 1 inversion by the end of the year, starting with head stand.
3. I shall eat well & stop deprivation diet becoz it just doesn't work.
4. Instead of a weight goal, I shall aim to build more muscles & lose more fats. 

Mental Health

1. I shall sing more to my dogs. Singing is 1 of my favourite past times. I sing during the journey to work & back home everday. Hopefully they'll enjoy it.
2. Cut the self doubt. Whether I can or not, as long as I've tried my best.
3. Cut the self degrading talk. I'm as good as the next person. 

Spiritual Health

1. Human revolution is a life long work in progress. I shall continue to polish myself so that I will shine even brighter.
2. I shall contribute a little bit more to kosen rufu than I did last year even if it's something very small.
3. I shall aim to further apply the Buddhist principles I've learnt in my life. 
4. Finally, never stop doing the 3 pillars of faith, practice & study.

This Is Job Satisfaction

Some of the surgeons I work with can be pretty dead set about how they feel with a new scrub nurse. I'm not new but we all have our own surgeons that we scrub for specifically. They can get very uncomfortable when someone who hasn't scrubbed for them before has to do it. Recently, Dr F was offered the Thursday morning slot that had been left open since another surgeon left the practice. His usual scrub nurse, my colleague, D, only works full days on Mondays & Fridays & half days on Tuesday. Imagine his "surprise" when he walked in on Thursday few weeks ago & found me scrubbed & setting up my trolley. My manager told him that D doesn't work on Thursday & so I would be scrubbing for him that day. He pulled my manager who was scouting for me aside, telling her that she needs to roster D on whenever he has to come in for the Thursday list.

The 1st time I saw him, I got the vibe that he doesn't have a mild temper. Over the course of 2 years, I've seen & proven that my intuition is right. Naturally, I was stressed & anxious about having to scrub for him. But still, a job is a job & I just had to get that list over & done with. It wasn't too bad & it wasn't until the next morning that my manager told me his feedback. He was initially pretty opposed to having me as a scrub nurse. But after that morning, he told her that I am to scrub for him every time D isn't around & that I was very calm & I did very well. So I have been doing it for the past few weeks, slowly getting used to his techniques.

Princess has always been "my" surgeon. Nobody wanted to scrub for her. So when I joined, she sort of got "pushed" to me. Since she's received the nickname of Princess, you can imagine how she's like. She can be quite fussy but over time, I got familiarized with her preferences & it became easier. Or perhaps she's mellowed. I know she's complimented me before on my ability to mount suture for left handers. She told me that of so many scrub nurses she's worked with in so many different hospitals, I am the only 1 who correctly mount sutures for her.

Earlier this week, my manager told me that Princess told her that I am the best scrub nurse she's ever worked with & it is always enjoyable to work with me. I am so flattered. To me, I'm just working to the best of my ability. Coming from Sin, you don't expect positive feedback from surgeons. Putting it in Singlish, "Never scream at you already very lucky. Still want them to praise you ah?" So I am very appreciative for their comments & it actually drives me to perform even better. I used to say all the time back in Sin, "I love my work but I hate my job." Now I can say, "I love my work & I love my job."

Manager On Leave

My manager went on a 8 days leave. Before she left, she gave me the run down on what I needed to do while she was away. Basically, I had to collect all the time sheets, make sure everyone signed their column & make sure I have everybody's time sheets or someone wouldn't get paid. I also have to send the billing (of the patients) every other day. As I don't have the access to the other building where the finance department is housed, I had to leave all these paperwork in the finance pigeon hole & call the respective staff for collection. On Wed, I had to remember to bring out the empty bottles so they could get replaced & we'll continue to have fresh, cold water for consumption. At the end of the week, I had to order the consignment lenses that we've used over the week. This is easier as I just had to stick the labels on the order form & email it to the respective company's customer service.

I also have to chase after the chosen lenses for surgeries in the near future. If we don't have the lens in stock, I'll have to order them. I've been doing this for a while now so no learning curve there. The only tough thing was that I had to do all these on top of scrubbing & scouting. Also, sometimes, the surgeons choose the lens just the day before surgery. If we don't have it, it's a mad rush to call Sydney for overnight delivery. Becoz of the time difference, I must place the order before 3 pm or they'll be closed for the day. But I had a really good colleague in recovery who would help me "chase" the lenses list.

Of course, there's always Murphy's Law. The 1st day my manager was away, we arrived at work to find the dining area completely flooded. Maintenance staff was called & apparently, the air con duct was blocked or choked, causing a back flow & thus a major leak. That was most major incident that happened while my manager was away. Thank goodness!

I was pretty stressed but I was being hard on myself. If someone places their trust in me, I have very high expectations of myself. Even if there's no such thing as perfection, I try my best to strive towards it. I also can't leave mess for my manager to come back to. But all is good. My manager had returned to work on Tues & I've gladly handed back all the work. :P

Almost Christmas

It's end of the year again. Like last year, we're shutting down for 2 weeks for Christmas period. I have 1 more day to work on Wed & that's it for 2015. & like last year, we started receiving presents from the surgeons. For all the bad I've done in my life, I must have done something good to have such good fortune. I am very thankful for all that I have today & all that I've received, not just monetary or material but the inner wisdom growth as well. May we all continue to strive to be a better person & gratitude fill our hearts always. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

Top left: Champagne, chocolate & $100 Myer gift card from Dr AG. (Only 3 of us received the additional $100 Myer card.)
Top right: Champagne from Dr AA.
Bottom from left to right: Champagne from Dr MTK, Champagne from Dr AG (anesthetist), Red & sparkling white from Dr IM.

Top left: $50 Coles group gift card from Dr JL.
Bottom left: Birthday card from my colleagues with $130 cash.
Top & bottom right: $35 Coles group gift card from Dr ADG, $50 gift card from company, special gift (lip gloss) from a colleague wanting to thank me for all my help.

A box of produce from Barossa Valley from Dr GC.

A box of Koko Black chocolate from Dr FC to share. A colleague went online & found out that the chocolate was selling for $2.30 per piece. There're 64 pieces here. This must be the most expensive chocolate I've ever eaten.

Work Can Be Rewarding

When I 1st joined my company, I wanted a full time position. But I was told that all staff in Day Surgery are on permanent part time positions. Recently, my manager informed me that the HR is allowing staff to convert to a full time position. I wasn't too keen on it initially as I was working full time hours even though I'm on a 30 hour a week contract. The other thing is, if I don't hit 37.5 hours in Day Surgery, I'll have to go work in the clinics to make up the hours. After thinking about it though, I've decided to make the switch, mainly for financial benefits. At the moment, I'm earning leave based on 30 hours a week, even though I may be working 40 hours a week. My employer super contribution is also based on 30 hours a week which means I'm getting much lesser. I officially start on the 30th this month.

I handed the new employment letter to my manager to bring over to HR (they're in another building to which I have no staff access). During that period, we had a big hoohaa in the department. We have a staff in recovery who can be quite negative & her comments can be sarcastic. She's gotten into arguments with my previous manager & they didn't speak to each other for half a year. Recently, we have a new staff & they were working in recovery together. I don't know what happened, from what I heard, it seemed that some not so polite words were said to the new staff & she was seen crying in the change room. My manager took them both to her office & they were trashing it out there. My manager then decided to put me in recovery instead. With this staff, I've never taken offense regardless of what she said to me. I know it's her character & I just let the comments bounce off me. But the new staff obviously took it to heart. As the new staff can't scrub yet, my manager had to. It was quite a bit of a mess with the roster there.

Anyway, when she came back from the HR, she told me that she had requested that I be given an additional jump on my salary on top of the yearly increment. Her exact words to me were, "You're worth every single cent we pay you." I was shocked speechless. All along, I've never said no when she wanted me to learn work in a new area, not becoz I wanted recognition or anything but rather, I've always felt it would be beneficial to know more. I liked being able to go to which ever area where I'm required. Most importantly, if I ever lose my job, it would be easier to find a new 1 if I'm not so restricted that I can only work as an ophthalmic scrub/scout nurse. I can always look for a job as an aesthetic nurse, a recovery nurse, a laser theatre nurse or a clinic nurse. I never expected to be rewarded for it.

I don't know. Maybe what prompted this on was becoz of this big hoohaa that we had. I've always tried to choose my words carefully so as to not hurt other people's feelings. If I don't feel like I should comment, I will always smile & nod my head in acknowledgement. Perhaps that is why I don't have clashes with my colleagues. Life can be so hard, so why make it harder on yourself? We spend so many hours a day at work. It will only make us miserable if the work relationships are strained.

I'm very thankful for the way things had turned out for me. The extra money will be of great help. If we stay true to ourselves & have good work ethics, even if we're not rewarded, we'll feel good about ourselves & our outlook in life will change positively. I think that beats any other kind of rewards we will ever get.

有心无力

My plan was to successively follow Wed's workout with Thurs & Fri. Neither of which happened. I really wanted to go. I wore my workout attire to work. But on Thurs, I finished work at 6.30 pm & by the time I walked out of the building, it was already 6.45 pm. Plus 1 hour session, plus 1 hour drive home, I could have easily gotten home at 9 pm. I wouldn't have minded if it was a Friday. But it wasn't & I had to work the next day.

Thurs morning, 12 hours post workout: The muscle aches were starting to set in, just as I had expected. Only I thought it would be worse. On a scale of severity, this was probably about 3 to 4. But the pain grew progressively & by evening, it was probably about a 7. I also had some throat irritation in the morning which became a full blown sore throat by evening.

Fri morning, 36 hours post workout: Full blown sore throat still present, muscle pain is now 8. I didn't even have to go down the stairs to feel it. I had to hold the toilet seat & slowly ease myself down to sit on the toilet bowl. It was aching so much even when I was walking. Still, I went to work in my workout attire. I still wanted to go. But by lunch time, it was evident I wasn't going anywhere but straight home after work. My nose was starting to run. Body aches started to set in (the flu type of aches). I quickly took 2 neurofen from our stock. Believe it or not, I was actually sent home by my manager who asked me to go home & rest at 3 pm. (No such thing in Sg. We were actually told that we should take MC only when we're so sick that we can't get out of bed. Of course, nobody listened. If we waited till that stage, we probably would have gone into pneumonia & died.) I felt it would be counter productive if I still headed to the gym so I went straight home.

I badly craved hot chicken soup (I have no idea why) so hubs drove us to Coles to get the ingredients. Passing the supplements aisle, I saw that chewable Vitamin C was on 30% discount so I grabbed it. Immediately after paying for it, I popped 2 as directed on the bottle. As I was reading the information, I saw that it says Vitamin C is good for assisting athletes to recover from their training. All the more better. I also took a sachet of Lemsip left over from previous infection as the neurofen had long worn off.

Sat morning, which is now, muscle aches mostly gone. It's like 说来就来, 说走就走. Muscle ache is now down to 1 to 2. But on the URTI front, things had moved south. Literally. I can feel that the soreness in my throat had moved down & I'm very certain that very soon, cough will set in. My brain feels fuddled like it always do when I'm down with severe URTI. I must aim to recover by Monday. We only have 3 cases in the morning & nothing in the afternoon. I had planned to do an extra long session in the gym & I'm hoping I still can follow through with it. That's the way it is, isn't it? When I had the time, I didn't have the motivation. Now I'm raring to go, but conditions are not right. Oh well, I'll recover. Hopefully soon. 

Work Place Bullying

It came to my knowledge that 1 of the anaesthetist who did 1 of our list for us was asked to leave by the public hospital she was working for due to verbal abuse of staff & patients. Anti work place bullying is a big thing here. We had to view the work place bullying video every year & do a test on it. Still, I was surprised to hear of that. Unlike on Sg, 他们不是说说而已。

How many times have we been screamed at unreasonably in my previous job? There simply isn't any use to bring it up. A staff did & was penalised for it. This is exactly what's wrong. They, the bullies, are allowed to get away with it. So they have every incentive to keep at it.

Sacking the bully drives home the message that work place bullying is not tolerated. More importantly, it reinforces that everyone is worthy of respect. 我们都是人。我们没有贵贱之分。This is something severely lacking in Sg.

2nd Spring In Perth

Spring came way too fast. It certainly feels that way. We're having a 3 days temperature spike, with tomorrow forecasting to hit 31°c. I'm reverting to the night time "headache" of sweating if I have a blanket on but shivering if I have it off. I'm sure pretty soon we'll have to switch to a thinner blanket.

The fly trap I've set up in late winter has already caught 1/5th bottle of flies. I'm just thinking to myself, how many more will it trap comes summer? The bottle is starting to emit a foul stench due to decomposing flies which also works to lure even more unsuspecting flies. But I dread the day I have to clear it so I can mix a new batch of the fly attracting powder.

It's also my 1st day back to scouting for the 1st time in 5 weeks. My regular anaesthetic nurse is back from her holiday so I've passed the baton back to her.

I've got activities planned for this weekend for advance birthday celebration for hubs. Really looking forward to it. In the meantime, I really got to work on getting my fitness level up again. I've got my S Health app set up for working towards a 5 km run & I'm really excited. Let's enjoy spring!

Part Time Vs Full Time

Today, my manager asked if I will be interested converting to full time rather than my 30 hours a week part time position. If they offered it to me right at the beginning, I would have taken it. I work full time hours as it is, some weeks slightly over 30 hours, some weeks slightly over 40. It balances itself out. I get paid overtime when I exceed 8 hours of work a day (which is quite frequent by the way, probably 3 to 4 times a week).

Switching to full time means I get a constant salary. I'll get paid the same amount every month. If I do work over time, it will be accumulated till I've got enough hours to get a day off. If I don't hit 38 hours working in theatre, I'll have to be deployed out to the clinic. Not such a good deal to me. Until they make it compulsory, I'll stick to my part time arrangement.

Secrets Of The Scout

Scrub & scout goes hand in hand. We're partners in crime. In Sg hospitals where I've worked, 1 must be able to fulfill both roles since we alternate scrub. Meaning, I scrub cases 1, 3, 5, 7 & you scrub 2, 4, 6, 8. When you're scrubbing, I'm the scout & vice versa. We use the term circulating rather than scout in Sg but they mean the same thing. It's a little different here in my current job. There're some staff who doesn't scrub & if assigned as my partner, they'll only scout. Scrub nurse scrubs the entire list in my current job. Scrubbing isn't difficult. But it does get exhausting when you're facing 18 cases with a fast surgeon. The scout is very important. She (I use she becoz I can count on 1 hand how many male scrub nurses I've met) must know where the instruments are kept & she must know the surgery well. In the event of a complication, she needs to run to get stuff, fast. She also needs to know the surgery becoz when she's partnered with a junior, she may need to prompt the junior what step or instrument is next. Here are the confessions & tricks of a scout.

1. Never leave your pen on the table.
The scout needs to fill up paper work for the surgery & the surgery record book. Sometimes, we just leave the pen on the table when suddenly called to do something else. At the end of the surgery, while you're busy applying dressing with the scrub, the surgeon takes your pen to write post op notes & pockets it. Once, I came back to find the surgeon looking at the surgery list while chewing on my pen. Needless to say, I didn't even ask him to return it. So I always keep a pack of cheap ballpoint pens that comes in 10 in my locker.

2. With regards to point number 1.
Some surgeons come with their own supply of pens. Some more fanciful than the others. I've seen beautiful fountain pens though they're not the best thing to write with. We're not supposed to use water based ink becoz they smudge when in contact with moisture. But no, we can't tell them that. Not in Sg. Some surgeons are notorious. They'll keep borrowing your pen & failing to return it. You'll think that they can afford pens when they earn so much. If I tell you how much they earn, you'll be depressed.

3. We do a naughty thing to the patients when they're under GA.
I'm sorry. But we just can't stand the humongous blackheads that looks like they've been there all your life. At the end of the surgery while waiting for you to wake up, we'll all take turns to squeeze the blackheads out for you.

I've been storing this entry since 4th July, hoping I'll come up with more than 3 points. Oh well, I'll add to the list if I do think of anymore.

Little Known Facts About Scrub Nurses

How many nurses do you know who are scrub nurses? I decided early on that I either become a scrub nurse or a midwife. Back in those days, theatre is easier to get into. Nobody ever resigns from labour ward & hence they never needed more staff. That was how I 1st became a scrub nurse. I left, went & did home nursing, clinic nursing, school nursing but in the end, I still came back to theatre. I hated working in the ward becoz I'm not a sociable person. The minimal contact with patient & relatives suits me just fine. Of course, the trade off means maximum contact with surgeons. The surgeon-nurse relationship is definitely more enjoyable here than in Sg. I can go on & on about the behaviours of Sg surgeons but I shall not deviate from the topic anymore.

1. We are somewhat, to varying degrees, obsessive compulsive about our trolley.
I like this instrument to be here & that instrument to be there. They're always in the same spot regardless how many times I have to prep my trolley. This is important becoz I know exactly where which instrument is & when you only have a split second to spare, you don't want to be scouring up & down the entire length of the trolley trying to find what the surgeon needs.

2. A common pet peeve among scrub nurses is when surgeons help themselves to the instruments/items when we're not available to pass it to them for whatever reason.
It could be becoz I turned my back to get something the scout nurse is passing me. I don't like it becoz you'll put it somewhere else & when you need it again, I can't find it. Or it could be becoz I just finished prepping the skin & I needed to set the cleansing set down. Don't help yourself to the drapes coz you'll open it up the wrong way anyway & we have to open a new 1 coz you've contaminated it. Just wait a few seconds. What you mess up will waste you more than that few seconds.

3. We have 1 secret pride.
Nothing gives me more pleasure than mastering the surgery. You may do something out of the ordinary & sway from your routine. But 1 look at what you're doing, I know exactly what instrument to pass you before you even say it. When there's a complication, I rattle off a list of instruments or consumables for the scout to open & they are exactly what you need sometime in the near future.

4. There will always be 1 surgery that we can't tolerate.
For some, maybe it's termination of pregnancy (we don't call it abortion) & subsequently naming the fetus, POC (product of conception) to send for histology. For some, maybe it's the laprotomy with half the guts being taken out & placed on top of the abdominal cavity or it is the smell when the surgeon finally finds the obstruction & proceeds to clear the bowels of its contents. (I was scouting once & the scrub nurse ran out halfway to throw up from the smell.) For me, it is when the hand surgeon yanks the nail off the nail bed in a crush injury, very common among construction workers. The patient is anesthetized & can't feel anything. I know that. But I would turn away every single time. It's like nails across a chalkboard for me. Gives me goosebumps & makes my hair stand.

5. There will always be 1 surgery that left a lasting impression.
I was on call. It was in the middle of the night. A patient was brought in from the ICU to have her organs harvested. She was what we call brain dead. Kept alive by mechanical ventilation. She was put under GA even though she was unconscious. The moment the liver & kidneys were taken out, the consultant just unscrubbed & left. The anaesthetist just turned off the machine & left. The MO was left behind to close up the now deceased patient. Finally, it was only me left. It was like she didn't matter. They just wanted to keep her heart beating so the organs continue to receive blood supply. The moment the organs were out, it was job done for them. I felt so sad. I cleaned her up as well as I could & said a prayer for her soul. Then I pushed her out, back to the ICU where her grieving relatives awaited to see her 1 last time. This was 11 years ago.

We're so removed from the rest of the hospital. We hardly ever step outside of the department & probably don't know our way around the hospital. I know for a fact I'm the worst person to ask for directions. When we get to the OT, we change into our scrubs & clogs. They don't ever leave the department. This is to ensure that we don't bring outside filth into the OT. Like everybody else, we have good days & we have bad days. Some days, nothing seem to go right. Other days, we sail right through on high. But I love the work I do. I know there's nothing else I want to do.

Milestone: 1 Year Service Anniversary

Wednesdays. Mid way to the weekends. For some, me included, Wednesday is pay day every fortnight. Yesterday, it was pay day for me. As usual, I'll log into my online employee kiosk to print out my payslip. It says, "Anniversary: 1 year (joined 17th June 2014) on the front page of the employee kiosk after I've logged in.

It's only been a year. But I'm so at home & so comfortable in my job that it certainly feels much longer than that. I wonder how long I'll stay in this job. My previous job was the longest thus far, at 5 years 8 months. I wonder if this is a job that I'll be in till retirement. That's too far out in the future. Perhaps 9 more years is a better long term projection coz that's when I'll receive my 3 months of long service leave.

In all my previous employments except my last job in Sg, my lockers had always been bare. When I arrived at work, I put my bag in & when I leave at the end of the day, I take my bag & the locker was once again completely bare. No personal belongings, no photos, no messy bits of papers. Even then, I knew it was a sign that I wouldn't stay in the job for long. 1.5 years was my longest. I was tired of job hopping. So in my last employment, I made it a point to leave stuff in my locker. 5 years is a long time to me. None of my peers held a job for more than 3 years.

1 year into my current job, though not considered messy, I have e-learning certificates, pens, even crackers in my locker. While I can't predict the future, I hope this is a job I will stay on for a long time to come.

What A Day!

Wednesday. It got off to a terrible start when my colleague informed us that she had to put her dog to sleep the night before. My manager offered to take over her duties so she could go home to rest as she wasn't able to sleep the entire night. She declined, saying that it would be better for her to be at work so her mind was not constantly on the thoughts of her lost friend. He had lymphoma for almost a year now, initially diagnosed when they discovered a lump on his neck & biopsy showed malignancy. He underwent 1 cycle (4 rounds) of chemotherapy & was alright for a while. 2 months later, the lump came back. He received another cycle of chemotherapy. The 1st & last time I saw him, it was beginning of the month, when we attended an all day course & her husband came to fetch her with their dog. I didn't want to ask her what happened coz I know it's just too painful. But I heard from my manager that the dog's face started to swell & they were advised to put him to sleep. He was only 5. You know how I feel about dogs. They are the absolute best friends we can ever have. Loyal to the end. My mom used to tell me, "没有踏进棺材你都不会知道一个男人老不老实。" (You will only know if a man is truly loyal to you the day you step into your coffin - referring to my dad's infidelity.) I totally agree. You can't say that of a dog. My relationship with Ah Ton outlasted my previous marriage. So I know & I feel so bad for her. I had to walk away coz I know I would start crying which will trigger her to start crying & before we know it, everyone at work will be brawling their eyes out.

We had 8 cases in the morning which took us to 12.40 pm as the last 2 patients were not cooperative. We were supposed to do an add on case during lunch time, bilateral intravitreal injection but as we had finished late, we had to reschedule it to the end of the day. The 6 cases in the afternoon went off without a hitch. Surgeon was late, but then, he always is. But it worked out alright coz we had to go for lunch. Half way through the afternoon list, my colleague from recovery came to get my manager who was scouting for me. A colleague who was not on had called & asked for her. After the bad news in the morning, the 1st thing that came to my mind was, "Oh no. I really hope it's not her dog." This colleague's dog had cancer as well. So when my manager came back, I immediately asked if everything was alright with my colleague. Apparently, she wanted to set an appointment & she just wanted to make sure my manager can give her the day off. Phew... A big sigh of relief.

Shortly after, a request came in to add a case that very day. We already had a bilateral intravitreal injection so this case had to go last. Normally, injections are done out in the clinic but this patient requires heavy sedation so she "won't know what's going on". That done, we went with the last case, removal of lens fragment. But, this patient had severe restless legs syndrome & what normally would have taken 5 mins to do went on for half an hour coz she just couldn't keep still. In eye surgery, slight movements are bad enough, not to mention big ones. Movements make it dangerous when instruments are in the eye. You can easily pierce the posterior capsule (PC) or lacerate the cornea. We had 2 persons holding her legs & 2 persons holding her head. But in the end, we did get the fragment out.

By the end of the day, everyone just felt so drained. It wasn't all that late, just 6.15 pm. But the emotional aspect of it made it felt like a super long day. It was followed by the usual hour drive home, rest up & back to work the next day. 

Being A Singaporean Chinese Asian

I'm gonna start by being off track. I know urine. I've seen so many that are not mine. Concentrated is dark yellow. Orangey is not concentrated. Orangey means it's tainted by red. Usually signifying blood in the urine. So imagine my shock when I saw mine was orangey. The 1st thing I thought of was urinary tract infection. But I had no pain passing urine. Most common cause ruled out, I checked to see if I'm bleeding even though my menses had stopped for a week. Nope, not bleeding. Then I try to recall if it was something I ate. Got a hit. I had a salad with chunks of beetroot in it. Morale of the story? Don't scare thyself.

Back to topic now. For some reason, ang mohs tend to think all asians are the same. Probably the same way I think indians look the same (for some reason, I can't tell most indian men apart). I'm the unofficial Mandarin-English translator in my department. I can speak some Hokkien & Cantonese though I understand way better than I can speak. So we had a Vietnamese patient. I was asked if I speak Vietnamese. Err... sorry, I don't. Then we had an Indonesian patient & I was asked if I speak Bahasa. Yeah, we all have asian skin & black hair. But that's where the similarities end, really.

For the record, I can speak very limited Malay, mostly in words to do with having an eye surgery. Like what's your name? Which eye for surgery? Any allergies? Close eyes, open eyes, look left, look right, look at the light, lie down, wait a while, don't move, deep breaths. That's about it.

I can count numbers in Japanese. I can say thank you, sorry, excuse me, good morning, afternoon, evening, good night, are you ok & some other words. The only sentence I can say in Japanese probably is "I am Jo." Nothing that I can use in my job.

I think we must be a mystery to the ang mohs for them to have the impression that 1 is all. Sorry, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Japanese, Korean etc is as different as German is to Italian is to Spanish is to French.

Another Breakthrough

This should be a post written out yesterday but I got home later than usual so I didn't get around to doing it. Yesterday, my CNM asked to have a word with me & my 1st thoughts were, "Oh no. I hope it's not something bad." Always the pessimist. Turned out that she felt that I'm doing well & she wanted to train me as an all rounder. So I'll be able to scrub, scout, do recovery, CSSD, AU & Lasik, basically every section in the day surgery unit. I'll love to be able to do that as it'll increase my value in the company as well as let me gain additional skills. Also, she's increasing my contract hours from 20 to 30 per week. Yay! She said that she knows a good worker when she looks at the resume & even before hiring me, she knew I'll be a good worker. This is the 1st compliment I received without a negative undertone. I can't say I'm good but I'll definitely continue to try my best.

While doing my morning gongyo yesterday, I was thinking of legitimate ways to have my parents come over. I've not done any read up on any of these visas but the ones I could think of were reunion of family visa & investment visa. Yeah, I always allow my mind to drift & sometimes even daydream about the "impossible". I was just daydreaming that if I win 5 million in the lotto, I can bring my parents over on the investment visa. (& I'm not someone who buys lottery.) Then on the way to work, the DJ on the radio announced that the powerball game had snowballed to 50 million dollars. I was thinking to myself, 有那么巧吗？So I told myself that I'll go give it a try after work, buy a ticket or something. Then my CNM announced that she's collecting $10 each for the powerball. Haha. What a coincidence. Anyway, always play responsibly & never more than what you can afford. I'll do more research for a semi-permanent visa for my parents when I'm more stable financially. Something that'll allow them to stay longer per entry rather than the tourist visa.

Temperature is coming up. Makes winter feel exceptionally short. I don't even require the comforter when I sleep at night anymore. I think I might be able to start growing my herbs & chilli even before spring officially begins. I'm thankful for the chance to be here, being able to grow as a person & develop spiritually. As usual, I send a quick thank you into the universe as I gaze upon the night sky.

Increasing Daylight Hours

The days are getting longer. When I 1st started work, it would still be dark as I drove into the car park & it would be completely dark by 6 pm. Recently, I noticed that the sky has been turning light when I'm leaving home & it's bright enough to see without lights at 6 pm. Winter is coming to an end. Though spring starts on 1st Sept officially.

It's been 13 weeks since we 1st step foot on Aussie ground. I still have no sense of job security. I don't know if I ever will. I guess it stems from my inability to get a job. I know if I lose this current job, I most likely have to go back to SG coz nobody else will hire me. In SG, I can jump from discipline to discipline without fear coz someone will definitely take me in. But I know being too senior can be a problem. Dolly is having a hard time finding another job becoz her salary range is too high. My salary range is even higher, so perhaps me too, will have problems finding jobs if I'm still in SG.

Lack of security though, keeps me on my toes, always thankful for another day of income, thankful that I can still manage to stay here. Hubs still haven't found a job. It's the usual emails that say "Sorry, you're not successful on this attempt." J suggested getting a forklift license. The 2 days course cost $550 & I know hubs. He won't even spend $10 getting proper food so why will he spend $550 on something that can't even guarantee a job?

It's Sat but I've been awake for an hour. Your body gets used to waking up at a certain time & you just can't sleep in even if you want to. I shall go bake some cinnamon rolls then. It's a craving brought on by James Patterson's book. Seems that warm, sticky cinnamon buns are "the best" breakfast made by Alex Cross's Nana Mama. Yep, I love them too.

Heaps Of Excitement

I do attarct unexpected adventures, I think. I started work at 10 am today so I got to sleep in. Hubs had already left for work at almost 6 am. As I got ready to leave the house, I realised that both the gate & the door were not locked. Hubs forgot to lock & I slept with unlocked doors for another hour & a half.

When I got to work, my colleague asked if I would like to try scrubbing for trabeculectomy (for glaucoma) as the surgeon is nice & there were only 2 cases. There were slight differences from those I did in SG but nothing unmanageable. After lunch, my colleague asked if I would like to try scrubbing for the afternoon surgeon. This surgeon used to be the ex-boss of another surgeon (famous for his no nonsense attitude & MD in my previous work place) in SG. This time, there were a total of 9 cases. So naturally, I was nervous. My 1st Phaco in half a year.

I was scrubbed up, preparing my trolley when the fire alarm went off. We were all looking at one another. Then, the PA system came on, telling us to evacuate. I unscrubbed, helped patients get out of the building, out to the gather point. 2 fire engines were already parked out the front of the building. Soon after, we were told that we could return to the building. The smoke detector was triggered by a coffee machine that gave out too much steam.

We helped patients back to the theatre, I scrubbed again & started off the list. The most challenging thing would be getting used to the set up of the trolley. We were down to the last 2 cases when they decided to stop for tea break. I guess this is something I have to get used to. Tea break? In SG, we get yelled at by the surgeon if we so much as go to the toilet.

Now that MasterChef has come to an end, I'll have an extra hour everyday except for Tues (replaced by Save With Jamie). I can spend the time reading in bed. My idea of a kick back after a day's work. ;)

Developing Hobbies

Ah Ton is in need of a shower. His last shower was 4 weeks ago. I shower him way less often in SG but the heat & humidity masks the smell. Here, the air is cold & fresh, accentuating his stench. In his defence, he doesn't stink as badly as Puggy does. I like the way he smells but it won't be too pleasant for guests if I have any.

I wanted to write a short story of an abandoned dog trying to find its way back to its owner. But it was too close to my heart & drew too much emotions. When I was a teen, I wrote a lot of stories. I tried to pick it up again but non fiction  eludes me. I have no original ideas other than the dreams I do remember. Even then, my dreams had no endings & a story won't be complete without a good plot. I might work on an interesting dream I had though. Right now, I'm trying to finish reading the 4 James Patterson books I borrowed from the library that due in 2 weeks.

The soap making items that I ordered online has finally arrived & I just picked the parcel up from the post office in the morning. I shall get on it 1st thing tomorrow. Hoping hard that it'll be a success as the ingredients are too expensive to foil.

While I'm keeping myself busy, hub's temporary stint at Nix's work place is coming to an end. It's as though we're back to where we started with him not wanting to eat or buy groceries becoz he's "got no money". While I've been putting in hours sufficient to sustain us for the time being, I may not be required to work everyday once I pass my probation. I'm getting lots of hours now as I'm still on orientation to learn up the work. So yeah, everything's still really uncertain at this stage & I don't feel secure as yet. Hubs has been applying for jobs but it's the same thing all over again. "Thank you for your interest in the postion of blah blah blah. Sorry, you're not successful on this account." I'll see how it goes.

1st Time Late For Work

Traffic was a nightmare this morning. I was to start at 8 am today so I left home at 6.30 am, expecting to arrive at 7.30 am. But I was caught in a terrible jam along Vincent Street, taking 30 mins to clear 1 traffic light. Then, I made a turn onto Loftus Street & got stuck there for another few more minutes. By the time I arrived at work, it was already 8.15 am. That was 45 mins more than my usual travelling time. Apparently, the jam carried on till beyond 10 am. Another colleague who was due at 10 am came in at 10.10 am, saying that her bus ride took 1 hour 40 mins instead of her usual 40 mins. Subsequently, a patient turned back for home after getting tired of being stuck in the jam.

I didn't bring any CDs over with me & my Integra's player doesn't come with a USB port. Hence, the only thing keeping me company as I drive is the radio. What struck me is how music has evolved. The top hits are the ones with lyrics that doesn't make sense other than the words sound good together. Gone are the songs that are made of meaningful lyrics & haunting melodies that touches your soul. I think this must be a sign of old age. Remember our parents are always listening to oldies & have no interest in the current hits? That's kinda like me now. My favourite songs must seem like oldies to the young ones.

I get the feeling that my colleagues feel that I'm too good at my work (if there's even such a thing coz I feel I have a long way to go). I received my 3rd set of comments in a joking manner. The 2nd was during my half day attachment at the CSSD where the staff told me not to "work too hard". I don't think I am coz I heeded D's advice from the start. When the staff announces that it's tea time, I drop whatever I'm doing & go for tea. Today, I started wheeling the machine away, forgetting to unplug the diathermy cable. My partner jokingly told me that I was doing my work so well that I put them to shame. Now I actually forgot something & it means I'm settling in. I always say, behind a joke, there's always a glimmer of truth to it.

Can I be fault for learning too fast? Like I said before, I had almost 6 years of experience doing the same thing. Even if it's in another country, the principles remain the same. Although I'm a newcomer, I was a senior & in charge back in SG. So the knowledge is there already. It was never my intention to outdo my colleagues or out perform them. I'm also not here to contest for the management post. I was offered sponsorship by my previous company for Masters degree to be the 1st Ophthalmic Advance Practice Nurse in SG. If I wanted to climb the corporate ladder, I would have done so rather than come all the way to Perth. I just want to prove that I can work so that I can pass my probation & secure my place in this job coz it's so important to me. Becoz it's either this or pack up & head back to SG. I didn't post this but after the head count freeze ended in end of June, my previous application to Fiona Stanley was processed. Despite hearing from people that they are severely short, I was still rejected with an email telling me that I wasn't successful. By then, it didn't matter coz I was already employed. I know what I want & I'll just have to keep praying about it. I hope that 1 day, with my sincerity, I can show them that all I want is just to earn a simple living. I have absolutely no hidden agenda. Just pure honesty.