Just 2 Souls Dancing

As usual, my parents watched 爱 in the living room. I on the other hand have absolutely no interest & I was contented playing with Ton on the sofa. When the show ended, a documentary came on. As fate would have it, it was a local show on correcting behavioural problems in kids. A couple was having trouble with their 3 year old boy who for the past 1 year hits & kicks them. A professor in childhood psychology was asked to intervene. She did the assessment & interviewed the parents in her house. She told them that they need to check the unwanted behaviour the moment it manisfests itself even for a child as young as 2. He has to be taught that hands & legs are not meant for kicking & hitting people. This has to be done on the spot as it would no longer be relevant if you wait say for a more suitable time or location.

I was stunned. I don't have kids. I've never read any of the parenting books before. So how on earth did my ideal teaching method be the same as an expert in the field be the same? I guess I can only credit it to having to teach puppies. When I chose to have a dog, I chose a puppy. I've got no experience with dogs & a puppy is a clean sheet of paper. Easier to imprint on them on what is allowed & what isn't. I would know at this stage coz we acquired Wang in adulthood. House training is impossible. The best we could do is to outdoor train him. Even till now, 7 years later, he still refuses to go on the pee tray, choosing to pee on the floor when he absolutely has to go despite knowing that he'll be punished for it.

The moment I brought the 1.2 kg bundle of white fur whom I already knew I'll named Ton Ton, the boundaries had already been set. I loved him to bits. Whose heart  wouldn't melt at the sight of this super adorable but scared to death puppy? But having done my research, I knew puppies will do their business within minutes of a meal. So I placed him on the pee tray till he did & rewarded him with a treat for a job well done. There were lapses which I promptly punished. By punished, I meant caned. He took 2 weeks to be house trained & 4 weeks to be really reliable unsupervised.

The 1st night Ton came into my life, I kept him in his playpen in the kitchen. I expected hin to bark & whine from separation anxiety. He didn't disappoint. I ignored him even though he kept me up the whole night. He was quiet from the 2nd night onwards. A fast learner he is. If I had gone to comfort him, I would reinforce to him that being anxious, barking & whining will get him the comfort he craves, leading to a lifelong separation anxiety problem. Be hard hearted for a few nights at the most & you'll have a well adjusted dog for the rest of his life. A pretty good tradeoff if you asked me.

A few months after Ton became part of the family, I heard a dog with severe separation anxiety somehow strangled himself on a leash or something while the owners were out. At a lesser extend, I've heard dogs tearing the house apart.

Of course, not all dogs are the same. I acquired Puggy a year later. He was a vocal & stubborn dog. House training alone took 6 months. He was too ill behaved despite the canings. I took him to obedience training where I learnt to use the choke chain to correct undesirable behaviours. I'm aware some people are very against the use of choke and pronged chains, calling it cruel. Again, if you can just bring yourself to be hard hearted for a short period of time, you'll a be rewarded with a well behaved dog. Besides, you're not asphyxiating the dog. You're giving the chain a sharp but short tug. Try it on your arm. It doesn't hurt.

The outcome? Do the dogs hate me for being so harsh on them? On the contrary, they're the closest to me. They get all excited when I come home. They don't when my parents do even though they dote on them the most & don't discipline them at all. When they're unwell, it's me they seek. They're the happiest when I'm the 1 bringing them for a walk even though I check them all the time for the entire duration, something my dad doesn't do. I refused to let Ton sniff too long at a spot & insists he walks my planned route when he keeps wanting to go where he wants to. Puggy is a wonder to walk thanks to his obedience training. He'll never pull on the leash, always keeping in pace with me. He doesn't get distracted by birds or cats unlike Ton. Best of all, he keeps trotting away despite another dog being in the vicinity all the while with the other dog barking at him & the owner struggling to stop his/her dog from dashing over.

What I'm left with are friends whom I can really enjoy & who enjoys me. I don't see them as my kids like some dog owners do. They're soul mates & I see our souls dancing together in a meadow, having the time of our life.

Distracted By Novels

Spent the last couple of days re-reading the Twilight series so have been away from the internet. That's how I get when I start reading. I simply can't stop. I even did not play Maplestory if it means anything. I could play for hours on end. Lol. I'm on the 3rd book, Eclipse, now. Will you be surprised if I say I still take out my Fear Street series on & off for a fast read?

I was telling Dolly & Sharon that people who are the only child is often weird. Perhaps weird is the wrong word to use. I think difficulty conversing & maintaining relationships with others is a more accurate description. Eh, perhaps it's just me. Perhaps I'm the only weird only child nearby.

This started off as a personal journal/online diary thingy. Something for me to read back on in the future, just like I did with my old physical diaries. That was what prompted me to write again. To have an insight on my thoughts many years down the road would be valuable.

Alright, then. Perhaps I'll have different thoughts in the future on this issue. I wrote on FB an incident we witnessed where a 7 or 8 year old kid told his mom to shut up (& I don't mean in a jokingly or nice way) when she refused to buy a toy that he wanted. I said if you don't know how to bring up a kid then don't. Coz there're enough brats & the society does not need another one. This prompted a heated exchange with an ex-poly mate. I suspected the reason that she reacted extremely strongly is becoz her son is ill-behaved & she confirmed it in her next reply. I didn't want to reply anymore coz there was simply no point. I'm entitled to my opinions & you yours. I respect yours & I'm not going to force mine down your throat. I'll get to that in a while. But it escalated into a racist attack type of argument then. I used racist attack as a description becoz from the videos I've watched on verbal racist attack, it usually started off with 1 person & others seeing the opportunity come up, joined in.

Real friends, without saying a word or having me to explain what I meant, understood what I was trying to say. Another 2 ex-poly friends immediately texted me, asking if I was alright & if I was hurt by the comments. 1 of them is a mother of 2 mind you. So I said I was alright but I was only worried that she too, took offence with what I said. It touched me when she said she wasn't offended & she understood what I was trying to get at. From our group chat, it was also evident that Dolly & Sharon understood. I felt really fortunate. Real friends are hard to come by & I had 4.

This explanation is for me 10 years years down the road. I wonder if my perceptions would have changed, if at all. Everyone knows how strongly I feel about responsible pet ownership. If you're not convinced that you will provide the necessary healthcare, training, lifelong commitment & love, then don't get a pet. It is absolutely unacceptable to me if you gave excuses such as you had a baby, the dog's aggressive, the dog's grown too big, the dog is too rough etc to abandon the dog. Just like Cesar Millan said, with the right training, a dog will grow to be well adjusted and most importantly, happy.

Now, what is it to me if you raised a brat anyway? You're the 1 having to face the music, not me. Similarly, I feel very strongly about parenthood. It is not something you jump into on a whim or becoz everyone's getting pregnant or your biological time is up. You want a kid, you're responsible for his upbringing, discipline, moral values, respect for others etc. God knows many (way too many) kids in Singapore have none of these. I have no confidence that I can bring up a kid who will turn out differently & that is why I've put it off despite me being 31 this year. You can say never try, never know. But this a life that we're talking about here. Not some soft toy that you can throw away when you're sick of it. Not some super duper expensive University course that you can drop out of  when you find that you can't make it. What did you lose? Just money which you can earn back. Can you redeem your child's life back once he took the wrong step? Why do you want to wait until it's too late to do something? To me, if you're unwilling to be the "bad" parent, then don't have any kids. It was at the mother's lack of action that angered me. Oh, it's wrong to discipline in public. Is it? Discipline works the best when delivered on the spot. & why do people automatically assume discipline means scold or slap? Checking the behaviour & reasoning is disciplining too. Then at necessary times, you just have to be harsh, even if it hurts you.

That was why I had no inclination of replying becoz she got me all wrong. She kept saying no matter how she discipline her son, he is still very ill-behaved & does that make her a bad mother? Does that mean she cannot have kids? My point was, if you don't discipline. If you do, fine. Does the kid having no respect for his mother means the mother does not discipline him in private? If she did from young, she'll have a kid who is well adjusted & respectful of her. Like many others I've seen & met. They're always a pleasure to watch even if I don't interact with them. Did you get me right or did you get me wrong?

Idle Ramblings

Sharon was telling me yesterday that an ex-colleague was pestering her for information about me, gloating about the fact that I've not been able to land a job in Australia. (Sharon is also my ex-colleague though I consider her to be a friend.) Naturally, I was peeved. During my degree days, not wanting to ask me directly, she would pester another colleague for my results. I had to ensure I put in sufficient efforts to get straight distinctions coz it was my ticket to Australia. Upon knowing that my results were better than hers, she would pass comments like, "Can pass can already. I'm not aiming for high score anyway." Sure, I make comparisons all the time but not to this extend. Comparison is justifiable only when using it to propel yourself to greater heights. Of course, I've already gotten over it. But it all the more certain make me want to prove myself, that I'm capable of success & that I'm not returning to SG with my tail between my legs.

We've finally made the booking a one way ticket milestone. I had no choice but to book it for 2nd May due to delays with Ton Ton's export. I was instructed to get vaccination & microchipping done for him. So I brought him for normal vaccination when in fact he requires rabies shot as well. The personnel only told me as I made a trip to Pet Movers last week. Ton can only go for blood tests 1 month after the rabies shot & another 2 weeks wait for the results before he's cleared for export. Dang! So for those looking to bring dogs over, remember the normal & rabies vaccinations.

I've gotten my passport changed & now realised what a hassle it is to update the Australian Immigration Dept. Printing & filling up the form is not a problem at all. Photocopying the passport & get it certified true copy is. Travelling to CBD just to get a signature & stamp gets to me coz it means spending 1.5 hrs on the road just to get there. Grr... My only comfort is that once this is settled, I don't have to worry about my passport for another 5 years.

I was just thinking, if the value of our flat at the end of the 99 year lease is 0, shouldn't we sell it soon? So in reality, there are no assets in SG. Having a flat is a liability since the value will just dwindle away. Something to really consider...

Peace & Gratitude

I was on the bus, on my way to meet my NYP mates & it got me thinking. I stared out the window, enjoying & really seeing the scenery as it passed by. I was no longer in the board-the-bus-grab-a-seat-fall-asleep stupor like I was in my sleep deprived days. This was the most significant improvement in my life after quitting my job & thereby getting sufficient sleep at night. I have more energy, I eat better (becoz I actually have time to plan my meals) & definitely happier despite the nagging worry from the lack of income. What I value most is the return of the peace that has eluded me for many years.

Some of us have not met since we graduated which was 11 years ago. Yet the conversations flowed as if time had stood still. I think that's the beauty of true friends. No amount of time passed can dilute the friendship & 感情 between us. The same could be said of a few of my now ex-colleagues. 1 of whom left the company 2 years before I did. Not forgetting my secondary school mates, Jon & Sam, with Jon far far away in Norway.

I'm a socially awkward person. I don't make friends easily as I make people feel uncomfortable with my silence. Therefore, I'm filled with gratitude to have made true friends at various stages of my life & I'm forever thankful that these people have honour me with their friendship.

Pre-departure Logistics

Owning a property in SG with parents staying in it means having lots more logistics to settle. I'll continue to add to the list as I come across things to do. So... let's see.

1. Applying GIRO for all payments - Telco, SP services, Town Council, Property Tax

2. Cancel unnecessary accounts - Internet, Hp, Credit Cards, NTUC membership, bank accounts

3. Renew passport - mine has only 1 year validity left

4. Opening Aussie bank account - I've been introduced NAB by my agent

5. Obtain parents' bank account number - I'm only getting my mom's

6. Dog's preparation for relocation - Planning to use Shiloh or Pet Movers but requires vaccination & microchipping. I gave him a dental scaling while at it too. In the end, I went with Pet Movers as they quoted me $800 lesser than Shiloh. Remember to obtain both normal & rabies vaccinations.

Apprehension On The Rise

Been away for a while. I was bored, I passed time the same way everyday now that I didn't have to work. Then I went to Hokkaido for a holiday that we booked in November. I kept saying if I knew I would be awarded PR that soon, I wouldn't have booked this tour. I would have $6k more to bring to Australia. $6k is equivalent to 3 months' rent or a 10 year old car. But I couldn't deny the fun & joy we had in Hokkaido. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything is exactly how it should be.

It snowed everyday in Hokkaido, just like it did when we visited 3 years ago. We were lucky. While soaking in the outdoor onsen 1 night, I overheard some Taiwanese women commenting about how unlucky they were coz the ice breaker cruise was cancelled due to bad weather. We went on the ice breaker cruise the day before it was cancelled for several days in a row. Missing it would have meant missing out the highlight of the tour. (It wasn't titled 7D Ice Breaker Cruise Hokkaido for no reason.) The seagull flying above us on the cruise could have shit on us but it shit while flying over the ocean instead. We swept lots & lots of Uniqlo products when we calculated the price to be half or as much as a third of SG's price.We shared a kiss while watching fireworks out on the frozen Lake Akan. We shared even more kisses while watching the lighting display at the Swan Festival. We threw snowballs at each other, laughing & running away to duck incoming snowballs. This has got to be the most enjoyable trip we ever went on together.

The Timberland boots kept my feet from freezing. I've worn double socks with sports shoes & then snow boots (the furry type) but they couldn't keep my feet from literally freezing. My feet would get so cold that I could no longer feel them. I wouldn't have known if my feet struck the ground or not if not for visual confirmation. I guess all you need is a good pair of shoes, even if they cost so much more. (My Timberland cost me $199, sport shoes $29.90 & winter boots $79.) They would have lasted much longer & worked much better.

Coming back, we have to battle the heat & humidity once again. It caused my ringworm infection to flare up once again. Stupid irritating fungal infection. Then I had to face the reality that I haven't been offered a job. I felt so hopeful when I received replies from Australia. 1 from a nurse manager & the other from a job agency. I even had a phone interview with the nurse manager but from the way she put it, I don't think my chances of getting the job are high if any at all. The job agency got me to choose from the list of hospitals I would like to work in so they could arrange interviews but I didn't hear from them again. Having a job before landing would make things so much easier. I would know which area to get my rental place & I would be less apprehensive about relying on my savings. Guess I got my hopes too high up, thinking that I would be the lucky 1, landing a job when so many others couldn't until they actually get to Australia. Sigh... 1 more try.  It's a long shot coz on their website, there're no vacancies at Lion Eye Institute. If that fails, I'll just have to take it as it comes. I pray for good fortune...

Leaving People & Memories Behind

I worked my last day on Chinese New Year eve, 30th Jan. As usual, I took bus 75, alighted at Outram & made my way through the mortuary to SNEC. It would be my last time walking this exact same route that I've taken for the past few years. I felt so emotional. The bad memories no longer weigh me down. Replaced by a feeling of 捨不得. I will miss knowing my work at my finger tips, anticipating & passing the correct instruments to the surgeon for the most complicated surgery even before they ask for it. But most importantly, I will miss the people who made me laugh through the worst of days. I will miss the complaining-about-work sessions with the girls.

We had reunion dinner with my extended family. We chatted at length about my move to Australia. My aunt again was the only 1 fully supportive of my decision, telling me to go for it when I'm young. I don't know when I'll be able to attend another reunion dinner again. So it felt so important to me. I avoided reunion dinner for a couple of years after my divorce. I felt so shameful that I had 1 & I didn't want to see or face anybody. That was pretty silly of me.

Then, we had lunch at my MIL's place on 初一. We stayed till it was almost time to head to Alan's (hubby's friend) place for the annual gathering. It was a bad choice really. Hubby's relatives on his mom's side came over & I got really worked up over his cousin's treatment of his wife. His cousin's wife does not talk at all at all gatherings becoz her husband wouldn't allow it. If she says something wrong, she'll get it when she gets home. So over the years, she stopped interacting altogether. Her self worth must have been withered down to nothing for her to behave this way. It's really none of my business but I just cannot stand a man who does not respect his wife. I didn't say anything until we left & then I ranted incessantly to hubby.

We only meet with hubby's friends once a year but I feel their sincerity. I always enjoy & look forward to meeting up with them. They're really decent people even if by Singapore's standard, majority of them are lowly educated as O levels holder. It just goes to show that education level has nothing to do with a person's character. Singapore's biggest flaw is its meritocrazy mindset. I don't think there's anything wrong with a "lowly" job so long as you're making a honest living.

Now that our plan to move to Australia is imminent, I can understand what Nix meant when he said he missed friends & family most. I totally feel it too.