Friday 13 March 2015

Being True To Yourself

I'm not a saint. Never have been & probably never will be. Being away from the stresses of Sg, I'm better at being good. But somehow, I feel it's not a true reflection of myself. I feel that I am truly good only if I can be kind despite being in the most horrendous circumstances. We're humans so I guess we will forever be  a work in progress.

My impending trip to Sg. I made arrangement with friends (ex-colleagues) to meet up. There is someone we're not sure we should include, for the fact that we're not exactly close. Not that we're prejudiced against her, just that the things she do at work... To put it mildly, she's not well liked by majority of the staff, save for the small clique she hangs out with. But we all joined the company around the same time & have always celebrated birthdays together. The entire incident is our fault. We're the fakes 1st. We worried that she'll be unhappy if we met up without asking her along. Hence we did & she agreed to come with no indication something is amiss.

When the topic came up when they were at work, she told Jus that I'm only an acquaintance, meaning actually she's not all that keen. Was it her intention for Jus to pass the message along? I don't know. But surely she knows that it will reach my ears? Then another colleague chipped in with something not so nice. Worse is, we're of the same faith. I know she's like that so I'm not exactly surprised. Just that I thought having made such progress spiritually means others will have too. Besides, it's been more than a year since I left. But I guess we're the only ones who can choose to let go. Sharon who heard about what transpired "cancelled" the meet up. She told me not to feel lousy & we should just spare thoughts for people who are more worth it. Jus asked if I'm angry. Honestly, I'm not. I just felt lousy. So instead, I asked myself, what will my mentors do in the same situation? The answer came back almost immediately & with it a sense of peace. They will pray for the other person & that's exactly what I did. It's alright. It just have to start from me.

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